Noise

Make it your friend or it will control you. It isn’t going anywhere. Even in a soundless room you can hear your blood flow. Embrace the noise. Be Loud!

Noticed

I noticed my reflection in a store window this morning. Maybe it was the dark cloudy backdrop from the storm that passed over last night, but the warped reflection brought me back to a time before I knew how much I mattered to those I love.

Disaster

The storm that came through town last night left a disaster in it's path. Broken trees, broken homes and broken spirits were in abundance today.

The superhighway of thoughts that is my mind

Chatted with my little sister today, who is not so "little" anymore. She told me I should start blogging again. I decided to take her up on that suggestion knowing that this is merely an avenue to vent. The truth is, words only betray what I will try to convey. It is a minimal attempt to capture some coherence in the mass of thoughts and emotions that constantly speed through my brain.

Today, is probably not the best day for me to restart the process of blogging. While my life in the outside world is on the continuous rise, a storm continues to rage inside me. People have generalized this phenomenon as the human condition. I'm positive that all of us experience it, but we experience it differently. Some people are able to ignore the whispers of madness that surround them everyday. I wish I could say I envied those people. I don't. I have seen too much, been the victim too many times, gained too much perspective through my experiences to ignore "Mother Culture"'s droning murmur. I stole the phrase "Mother Culture" from Daniel Quinn's book Ishmael. It is the best phrase I have come across to explain what I'm talking about.

I don't want the previous paragraph to make anyone think that I am asking for any type of sympathy. I am not writing to discuss how all of my experiences, good and bad, have given me some kind of enlightened sense of the world that everyone else is too ignorant to see. That is not my intent. On the contrary, I will openly say that I would call anyone looking to me for advice a fool. I only know what I know. If anything I write or say comes of as offensive, or helpful, it is by pure coincidence. Again, I only know what I know. And I will be the first to say that it isn't much. At the same time, some days I feel like I know too much for my own good. It is a cycle I have yet to break.

Today, I watched a documentary called "Amazing Grace." It is the tragic story of the life and death of singer/songwriter Jeff Buckley. He released one full length studio album titled "Grace" before his time on this earth was finished. First, I highly recommend it for those of you who are "a cup half full" type. It is a sad, tragic story, but he left us with an inspiring legacy and some flat out dynamite songs. He has an incredible quote at the end of the film where he says, "Grace is what matters. In anything. Especially life, especially growth, tragedy, pain, love, death. It's a quality I admire, very greatly. It keeps you from reaching for the gun too quickly. It keeps you from destroying things too foolishly. It sorta keeps you alive."

There is a lack of Grace in our society. People yearn for it every day. Unfortunately, it has been depleted and now only seems to exist on an individual level. One person is still capable of this incredible virtue, but it is painfully absent outside of that context. I still believe it exists in every one though. Greed has replaced it and Grace has been sold down the river. I don’t know how to change this, but I know I am not the only one who yearns to live in a Grace filled society where people put other before themselves and take care of their neighbor’s needs.

How do we live in a world where homes are sold to the highest bidder? How do we live in a world where the Earth itself, is portioned off and zoned for specific purposes by people who will most likely never step foot on these plots? These are simple questions that are cast off as pipe dreams of some sort of Utopian Babylon thought up by the hippies. It is one of those whispers that Mother Culture sweeps under the rug. People will say they don't have a choice. They need a roof over their head and food on their table. These are valid arguments in themselves. But why do we all need this roof and this food provided to us by a nameless, faceless, money driven company that's sole interest is in collecting rent and taxing our purchases? I understand that this is the way our society functions. I will never understand why we, as the most intelligent, and remarkable species known in existence have allowed ourselves to become slaves to our culture. 

I drive a car to work everyday. I buy most of my groceries at one of the biggest corporations in the world! I pay an incredible amount of money every month to live in a small apartment in a great American city, rich with American culture....and I am more disappointed in myself for all of these things than I ever will be of anyone else.

 It is my burden to bear...What's yours?

Deckhand's Log

So I got the call yesterday from the hiring manager at American Cruise Lines and after a two day training session this past Wednesday and Thursday, I will be heading out to Portland, Maine on Friday to embark on a twelve week Deckhand contract. I am really excited for this unique opportunity. I am a person who wants nothing more than to EXPERIENCE this short time that we have on Earth and this something that I have never come close to experiencing. I am looking forward to posting about my time on board the ship "Independence". Stay tuned and check back often. Who knows what's going to happen?

BIRTH

Begs the question, where does life begin? And End? There are thousands of different beliefs around the world to answer these questions but they can only be answered with uncertainty when we arrive. Until then, take care of each other and don't waste your ability to love. It is one of the few pure and precious things we have between life and death.

Eyeliner

Makes me think of "sad" emo kids listening to crappy rock music and wearing clothes that are two sizes too small and TRYING to make their hair look like they just woke up from a night's sleep....Grunge was WAY cooler. :)